When Jesus sent out his disciples (see Matthew 10), Hewarned them to expect hostility—but to be wise as serpents, harmless as doves.What does it mean to be wise and harmless in how we approach people who believefar differently from the way we do?
1. Be quick to hear (James 1:19). When the US government announced they would allow military women in combat, I was glad for input from a few friends whose informed opinions guided my thinking on the subject. Aretired Army general and his wife, whom I met at seminary, and a former seminary student of mine who works with cadets at the Air Force Academy reshaped my views. Their thinking differed significantly from my original thoughts, but I came to see these people had much more informed perspectives.Proverbs 18:13 reminds us, “The one who gives an answer before he listens—thatis his folly and his shame.”
2. Form relationships with those on the “other” side. Listen to someone other than only talk-show hosts who take a predictable stand. (Thesepersonalities would lose fans if they deviated from their standard views.) Wehave the luxury of pursuing truth because it won’t cost us as much to changeour minds, to alter our views, or to soften our approaches. So we can go aheadand ask our Muslim friends, “What do you believe about Jesus?” Or tell ourfriends who believe women should never, ever speak in public, “Help meunderstand how you reach that conclusion.” Proverbs 18:17 says, “The first tostate his case seems right, until his opponent cross-examines him.” And sometimeswe ourselves need the cross-examination. At a Christian conference for thepress last year, a panel discussion included several members of the LGBT community. They told us that they would police the vitriol against Christianson their side if we would do the same for gay-bashing talk on our side. Is thatsuch a bad compromise?
3. Affirm what is good. Unlike politicians who risk losing credibility when they affirm an action or viewpoint of the opposition,Christians must make friends with our opponents. And when we see somethinggood, we must affirm it. Consider that Paul in Athens saw pagans with numerous altars built to false gods, but he used the one altar dedicated “to an unknownGod” to reveal the identity of that unknown One (see Acts 17). He also affirmedthe Athenians for being religious. Only after he did so did he challenge their thinking.
4. Tell the truth. Doing so may seem obvious, but in thelast election, for example, Christians were notorious for slanting stories aswe sought to apply the Bible to everyday life. Why does politics seem to bringout the worse in us? Maybe you knew that Mr. Giglio was not technicallyuninvited to pray at the Inauguration and that President Obama did not support removing the word “God” from the Democratic platform. If you did, I wouldventure a guess that you are in the minority. My point is not to support theplatform or those who opposed Mr. Giglio. My point is that how we relay whathappened should demonstrate our trust that truth is a characteristic of ourGod— and a characteristic to which we are committed and for which we wish to beknown. Even if it seems to hurt our case.
5. Tell a story/address an issue from the most credible angle. Notice how the anchors on the nightly news do this. If the story isabout reproductive laws such as abortion that affect women, have a woman in herreproductive years handle the press conference. For issues affecting apredominate race, have a member of the most-affected minority speak. If we'retaking a stand against an organization or party's stand because it'sunbiblical, we need to find a Christian within the accused party and have himor her speak out.
6. In general, use others’ terms for themselves. Have youseen the bumper sticker that says, “It’s not a fetus, it’s a baby”? It’s both,actually. “Fetus” is a technical term for a mammal between the ninth week afterfertilization and birth. It's not a new word, either. It's fine to refer to apre-born child as a “baby.” But referring to it as a “fetus” is not necessarilya hint that someone supports abortion on demand. “Fetus” is the more preciseterm for differentiating between the pre-born child and the one already-bornone. Some do use the term as a way of desensitizing people to abortion, butthat does not mean all who use the term intend to do so. Speaking of which, therespectful way to refer to someone who self-labels as “pro-choice” is not“pro-death.” By using such labels, we can make statements but win no friendsand change no minds. If you are pro-life and someone refers to you asanti-choice, feel free to say, “Please refer to me as pro-life, and I willrefer to you as pro-choice.” Do unto others…. We might not agree with what theothers' preferred label represents, but if we want a hearing, we cannot afford toalienate those we wish to persuade.
7. Be gentle. Proverbs 15:1 tells us, “A gentle answer turnsaway wrath.” We do need to stand up and refuse to allow the crowd to wear usdown. But in the words of Prof Hendricks “Some people say, ‘You can lead them towater, but you can't make them drink.’ It's not true. You can feed them salt.”Our challenge is to season our words with the stuff that makes them thirsty formore. And that means listening and gentle approaches and words crafted to build bridges rather than to alienate.