The Mom I Want to Be

We're talking with Suzanne Eller about her new book, The Mom I Want to Be .

Is The Mom I Want to Be for women only or did you write it for men, too?

This book is connecting with moms and dads. I taught a workshop in my community and both men and women came. The principles are universal. I have been overwhelmed with the response. The group was very diverse. There were women from our home church, men and women who read about it in the paper, and others. A local rehabilitation center gave each of the women in their care a copy and went through the studies together. Several, most who were either very new in their faithwalk or who were still hurting from the pain of their childhood or past, have come to know Christ as their friend and Savior. That is exactly what I hoped might happen. It is a gentle, seeker-friendly, truthful, and practical resource. It allowed these women (and some of their husbands or boyfriends) to examine their pasts, their hopes for their own children, and their hopes for themselves and to begin to experience change.

I am so humbled to be able to see what is happening in their lives. This is something that most authors do not get to experience--what happens (good or bad) when a person reads their work.

I am praying that pastors, counselors, women's ministries and organizations that minister to moms in any way will see this as a resource not only for those who attend their church, but who walk through their door (or are in their community) looking for answers.

Anything you'd change?

This book has been out for six weeks and so far I'm extremely happy with the way it turned out. The publisher bought into my vision to make it gentle, and to take the reader one step at a time through the process of healing, forgiveness, letting go, focusing on your child, and unpacking parenting baggage to give your children greater memories than you yourself received. I couldn't be happier.

What do you want readers to take away?

That we are not defined by our past. We are shaped by it, but not limited by it. That every woman has the right to grow, to stretch, to learn who she is as a woman, as a parent, and as a child of God. That's exciting!

What challenges do parents face today that are different even from ten years ago?

Wow, that's a great question. As a veteran youthworker, I am amazed at how quickly things change--not just in increments of ten or twenty years--but in two to three years. Young women entering college did not experience what today's thirteen-year-old is, especially among our girls. What I see is our young girls accepting less and less in relationships and in intimacy. I fear for many of them as they are cynical, hurting and have experienced destructive choices at an age where they are not equipped to handle it.

The biggest challenge I see facing our children is feeling safe and accepted by the people who matter most. Home has to be a safe place. If it is not, they go outside of the home to find acceptance. That is when our children can get into trouble.

Acceptance doesn't mean that we accept bad behavior or that there are no boundaries or consequences, but rather that we see our beautiful children as works in progress, just like us. We work on teaching and guiding them, but seeing something inside of them as valuable through the entire process. When they know that, they learn confidence and consistency, which is a powerful tool in their lives.

As a writer, what recommendations do you have for those wanting to weave their stories into their works as you have done?

I think there is power in story. Last month I heard two speakers at two different events. One shared lots of scriptures--one after another. To this day I'm not sure what his message was or the focus. At a different event the speaker shared a story of serving as a veteran soldier under a brand-new-just-arrived-from-university officer. His topic was serving as an armor-bearer. I remember the scripture, the message, and the take-away because of that story.