I’ve just finished reviewing all the articles for a magazineissue devoted to the subject of singles and the church. And I keep thinking about Jesus, thecounter-cultural revolutionary:
In many ways, Jesus took a high view of thefamily. He affirmed that we should honor our parents, and he reiterated thatmarriage (i.e., “what God has joined together…”) is sacred. But Jesus took a low view of the biologicalfamily when family-love took too high of a priority: "If anyone comes tome and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers andsisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple” (Luke14:26). First things first. And Jesus assumed that following him meant beingincorporated into a crazy, mixed up spiritual family full of people in process:“Whoever does God's will is my brother and sister and mother" (Mark 3:35).Remember the first murder? One brother killed another. TheBible is loaded with such stories about siblings bickering. Consider Jacob and Esau; Moses, Aaron, andMiriam; Rachel and Leah, Joseph and his eleven brothers; and fast forward toMary and Martha. Family members in conflict are a sign of anarchy. Still,family betrayal was the worst. And in the cultures in which the Bible was written, you sure didn’t call someone your “sister”or “mother” unless they were your biological relative.
That is, until Jesus messed withthe definitions. He broadened them beyond biology.
When we talk about biblical family values, we need a coursecorrection. Biblical values are much less about physical reproduction than embracingthe kind of procreation that fills the earth with worshipers. Such reproductionwelcomes an Ethiopian eunuch, because he will leave a legacy that can’t betaken from him. My friend Eva pointed out to me recently that when the eunuchwas reading Isaiah’s prophesy about Christ and asked Philip to help himunderstand, he was reading the part about Christ’s progeny—or lack thereof.Acts 8 says, “This is the passage of Scripture the eunuch was reading:
‘He was led like a sheep to the slaughter,
and as a lambbefore its shearer is silent,
so he did not openhis mouth.
In his humiliation he was deprived of justice.
Who can speak of his descendants?
For his life was taken from the earth’”(vv. 32–33, emphasis mine).
Whoa. This suffering servant elevates the eunuch, the single, the childless—the person undervalued by Old Testament emphases.
Indeed, Jesus does some engineering when it comes todefinitions. Family boundaries are redrawn. And with Jesus-family values, members are called to share resources.And they aren’t supposed to air dirty laundry to outsiders. Consider Paul’sinstructions that it’s better to get ripped off by a brother than take him to public court (see 1 Cor. 6, where the word “brother” occurs four times).
What does this have to do with singles? It seems we often givethe impression that marriage and the nuclear family are God’s first-best. Andindeed, these are valuable gifts. But they are not the only gifts. Our spiritual family, not the biological family, is the main thing.
So we would do well to stop ranking priorities as “Godfirst, family second, church third.” A Christ-follower has only two priorities: God and family—with the latter being redefined.
Allow me one clarification, though: As one theologian has warned, “We must not confusethe organic church with the organization.” That is, a pastor who neglects his childrenbecause he has a million meetings is, indeed, neglecting the family.
Who is first in your life? And who is yourfamily?
