How the Church Can Better Serve Victims of Relationship Violence

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. So today I’m happy to have as my guest, my student RaynaPittman with

Virtuous Communications, Inc. talking on this subject.    

I answered the phone at work to find myself in a conversation with a distraught woman. She desperately needed to share the recentevents of her life with somebody. She explained her husband’s abusive history—most recently, how he locked herteenage daughter out of the house. I heard the helplessness in her voice, but what could I do?

As I listened, I thought of my coworkers who criticize the church.They would argue that such an abusive situation justifies abandoning marriage. Theysay the church clouds the issue of abuse with doctrines about male headship andsubmission. And sadly, the church’s commitment to marriage often does come atthe expense of a lifetime of spousal abuse. I recently heard of a churchdisciplining a woman for calling the police out of fear that her husband wouldbang down the door, her only shield against his rage! A woman is beaten every nine secondsin the United States, and often the church stutters. Yet, it courageouslydefends marriage in a culture that devalues lifetime commitment. More than 40%of marriages in the United States end in divorce, and the culture shrugs. How couldI shape my response to encourage this woman’s safety and still honor thesanctity of marriage?

As I searched for words of encouragement, I thought aboutJesus and the woman at the well (John 4). Jesus demonstrates that women aretruly valuable to God, contrary to the religious establishment’s norm at the time. The churchshould follow Jesus’ example. The church can make a victim of relationshipviolence feel valued by doing the following:

. observing Domestic Violence Awareness Month.Have survivors of relationship violence share their testimonies.

. having a safe place available where victims can escape while they rebound. 

. allocating resources. Lack of resources is oneof the main reasons a victim stays with her abuser.

. offering support groups that meet in a privatelocation, because many victims feel ashamed. As Jesus talks with the woman at the well, helooks through her relationship issues and delves deeper into her spiritual health. Likewise the church canconcentrate on people’s spiritual health in an effort to heal relationship issues by doing the following:

. holding abusers accountable for their sinful behavior.

. genuinely caring, doing the hard work of getting involved. Involvement says we care about 

. spiritual health, not just an image of wellness.

. continuing to resist the culture on behalf ofthe sanctity of marriage.

The church as the body of Christ has the ability to give the same living water Jesus offered the woman at the well. The culture lacks thisability, so its fix is at best incomplete. With the church fully engaged in the fight to end relationship violence, I could confidently say to my caller, “No onehas the right to violate you. The church can provide you with the safety and the living water you need.”