My Girl Got Bullied

A few weeks ago, my daughter received a text from a female Facebook friend of my daughter’s male childhood friend. The girl was his new girlfriend, and this chica informed my daughter that the neighbor she used to love playing with had been killed in a car accident. The girlfriend went on to announce she was committing suicide. She then went silent. My daughter sent desperate pleas to the girl and to family members of the guy. But she heard nothing back. She cried all night. My husband called the girl’s number and left a message asking about funeral arrangements. I looked for the kid’s name on Twitter and found no mention. As the hours passed, no one posted messages on his Facebook page like “RIP, dude.” We had no way to verify, but we had serious doubts about the story's veracity. The following morning the girl texted to say it was all a hoax. Then she called my daughter a "snitch," in addition to some nasty names I won't repeat. A few hours later, she claimed (by text) that someone borrowed her phone for a week, and she herself had not sent those messages. See? Bullying can now be more anonymous than it used to be. How could we verify that “someone borrowed my phone and did it”? Looks like the whole fiasco was motivated by sheer old-fashioned jealousy. The girlfriend saw my daughter listed as a “family member” of this guy and that probably grated on her. Through the girl's Facebook links, my husband tracked down the parents and informed them about what happened. He also contacted the guy’s mom, our former neighbor, who was furious and said they would deal with it in person. Thanks to social media and the Internet, kids can now bully each other 24/7. Four years ago, about 4 percent of 12- to 18-year-olds reported experiencing cyber-bullying during the school year. Considering the recent suicides over bullying, I have no doubt it’s on the rise. Unfortunately it’s tough for parents to protect kids. My girl is almost seventeen. I can’t screen her every message for what looks suspicious, nor do we feel we should supervise every person who “friends” her. But we did all agree she would remove every Facebook "friend" of a friend that she had no chance of ever meeting. “Don’t talk to strangers” applies to the Internet, too. We also now have our girl’s password. We can check out her connections any time and ask about them. At first it felt like we were invading her privacy. But a little accountability is good for us all. My husband and I know each other’s passwords, too—so accountability is not just a “kid” thing. We all need to know we’re responsible to others and also that somebody else has our back.