Every year one in four ministers either get fired or are asked to resign. The main reason: interpersonal conflict.
When you try to help the wounded, sometimes--like injured animals--they bite. That's why Sue Edwards and Kelley Mathews have recently released a book titled
Leading Women Who Wound. It focuses specifically on helping
women in leadership help
women who injure others emotionally and spiritually.
Kelley interviewed people with stories to share, expecting to have trouble finding anecdotes. But she said, “When women asked what I was working on and I told them, many said, ‘Let me tell you what happened to me!’”
The authors advocate assuming an offensive position to prepare for personal attacks and conflict as well as encouraging leaders to take a more direct communication style.
In the book they explain the process Jesus laid out for handling interpersonal conflict (Matthew 18). We are first to go privately to the offending party. If that doesn't help, we take a couple of witnesses with us. If the person still doesn't listen, the injured party takes the matter to the church. Following this order is not always easy, but I know from working with both of these women that they practice what they "share" when it comes to this issue. And as a result, they have excellent interpersonal skills.
It is estimated that there are 19,000 conflicts in churches every year. The authors' goal in writing this book, they say, is to lower the turnover stats as well as to reduce the heartache that results from mismanaged conflict.
Sue, Kelley, Claudia McGuire and I will be doing a panel discussion, "When People Problems Invade Your Ministry" at
Book Expo in Dallas on March 20 from 2-3 PM. When you register for EXPO, use this discount code for $5 off: cbe5off
