The 40-Second Book Review

My friend Heather Goodman and her husband Chris now operate Solomon Summaries, the Cliffs-Notes-for-Christian-Books service. So I sent Heather this week’s religion bestseller list and suggested she run summaries of these books. I received this reply:

1. The Shack -- I killed my father. My daughter died. God sent me a letter. Told me to go to the place where my daughter was killed. I went. I saw. (I learned Jesus wasn't actually abandoned by the Father at his death; no, the Father was there all along.) I forgave. William P. Young.

2. 90 Minutes in Heaven: A True Story of Death and Life -- I died. I saw heaven. Cue ethereal music (there may have been harps). God sent me back to tell you fools you wanna be there. (I went. I saw. I told you so.) Don Piper with Cecil Murphey.

3. The Love Dare -- Love is not some squishy emotion. Love is patient (check here when you've completed that: __ ). Love is kind (check here when you've completed that: __ ). Etc., etc. Forty days and forty nights. Congrats! You are now the perfect lover. Here's your certificate. Stephen Kendrick and Alex Kendrick.

4. The Five Love Languages -- Everyone loves and is loved differently. Figure out how to love your loved one best. (We suggest picking up a copy of The Five Love Languages of Your Spouse, The Five Love Languages of Your Eldest Child, The Five Love Languages of Your Middle Child, The Five Love Languages of Your Youngest Child, The Five Love Languages of Your Siblings, The Five Love Languages of Your Father, The Five Love Languages of Your Mother, The Five Love Languages of Your Coworkers or one of our other editions to help you in the process.) Give gifts! Affirm with words! Touch lots! Spend lots of time together (make sure it's quality, of course)! Do acts of service! Live happily ever after. Gary Chapman.

5. The Purpose-Driven Life -- Everybody's got a purpose. You were created to glorify God. God gave you specific gifts to do so. Walk with me for 40 days (because that's the biblical and therefore magical number; see The Love Dare above) and you'll figure yours out. Maybe someday you, too, can pray at the inauguration. Rick Warren.

6. Every Now and Then -- Guy was hurt. Guy fights fires. Guy will save the world from terrorists who start fires, but can Guy save himself without getting burned by love again? (Hint, it's a happily ever after.) Karen Kingsbury.

7. Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul -- Dear Woman, You are tired and in distress. I will rescue you. Love, God John and Stasi Eldredge.

8. Your Best Life Now: 7 Steps to Living at Your Full Potential -- No need for hope in a stinkin' restored earth. No! You, too, can have your best life now! Why? Because you're worthy. You've just underestimated your self-worth. Follow these 7 steps (while others have chosen the longer "40" path, I can reshape you with the shorter biblical number, "7"!): things like believing God wants more for you, raising your expectations of your success as a person and what you should have, escape the nagging past, understand how valuable you are, think prosperously ("I think I can, I think I can," rinse, repeat). And you'll be happy and rich. Joel Osteen.

9. The Wednesday Letters -- Dad liked to write letters, but only on Wednesdays. He died. Here are your stack of letters. Troubled marriage? Single mother? Prodigal son? We've got it all. Read your letter. Love, forgive, and live. The end. Jason F. Wright.

10. The God Delusion -- You believe in God. Only idiots believe in God. You must be an idiot. Anyone remember Marx? Come on, now. Do I seriously have to write this again? Richard Dawkins.