Shoulda-Been Books

Remember how I got tagged last week by Heather? Well, one of the questions I had to answer was, “What book would you wish had been written?” I answered, How to Drop 20 Pounds in a Day without Endangering Your Health. Remember that? Well, apparently the guy who started the whole tag thing tracked down the 100+ bloggers who answered his questions. And he compiled a list. Here is a sampling of some of the answers to the books-we-wish-had-been-written question, serious and silly, deep and shallow:

In My Own Words, by Jesus of Nazareth (Christopher Langston)
Mary’s autobiography (mother of Jesus) (Jennifer- Home Is Where You Start From)
3 Corinthians, in Which Paul Roundly Condemns the Baptism of Infants (Jonathan Hunt)
One Hundred and One Simple Explanations of Why I Said What I Said by the Apostle Paul (Singing Owl)
The Life and Times of an Apostle: An Autobiography, Junia (the Apostle) (Psalmist)
Theodicy: The Final Answer, by God (Father Stephanos)
A Systematic Explanation of Everything, by God (Eating Words)
We're So Sorry About the Revivalism Thing, by Jonathan Edwards and George Whitefield (Sean A. Brandt)
I Take It All Back by Rick Warren (Thirsty Theologian)
Here's To You: A Southern Baptist Guide to Enjoying Wine (Joe Thorn)
What I Really Believe, with None of That Evasive Answering a Question with Another Question B.S. by Brian McLaren (Darrell Pursiful)
Personal Memories from 1969–2009, by Martin Luther King Jr (Aaron Ghiloni)
The Beer and Cheese Diet (Barb – Whilin’ Away the Hours)
How to Get Paid Tons Of Money for Playing Your Favorite Computer Games... Free Winning Lottery Ticket Included with Purchase (Thomas Hathaway)
On the False Antithesis between Law and Gospel by Martin Luther (Son of Nun)
Harry Potter and the Half Black Chick (Nick)
Hitler's Short Rise to Power: How the Germans Stopped a Lunatic (View from the Manse)
How to Be a Successful Artistic Photographer in a Town Full of Tasteless Hicks (Shelly)
Using PMS to Work for You, Not against You (Greta - And It Must Be Said)
How to Make Your Toddler Clean His Room the First Time You Ask... And Bring You a Beer & Grilled Cheese, Too! (Kaci - Wipe the Seat)
Sovereignty and Responsibility: A Reformed Girl’s Guide to Finding a Man (Little Miss Reformed)
The Impossible Dream: How the Cubs Won the World Series by anyone, for crying out loud (Steve McCoy)
How to Survive on Only Two Hours of Sleep Per Day (Multitasking Mama)

Some clever stuff, that.

About the time I finished drafting my last blog entry about tags, I got tagged again. This time it was by relevant girl, Mary DeMuth. Now, in her defense, she said, “You’re It!” before she knew I was already tagging onto Erin’s tag from Heather. As my blog is in danger of turning into one big chain letter (through no fault of Mary’s), I’ve decided to end it all here (no, no, not with rope or razors, despite the Dorothy Parker ditty from last week). I mean I’m going to officially stop tagging and answering tags. Otherwise this blog will end up as a tag site rather than one that occasionally addresses “issues that matter.”

But I want to talk about Mary for a minute. She and her husband, Patrick, are in Dallas for a month with their kids. They live in the South of France (think Riviera), where they are planting a church. Last night Gary and I went out with them for a marvy couples-only dinner. Patrick and Mary are artsy and creative and fun and deep.

So we’re sitting there talking about how one of the young girls in our ’hood spray-painted our car. (She misspelled the word for a female dog. And she wrote it low, so we knew it had to be a very short person.) I will not bore you with details of how we found out it was her. But I will say that the girl's grandmother came over and kept us from pressing charges by promising to pay the deductible we had to fork over. In doing so she used all sorts of God talk to say how she was a Christian God-fearing woman of her word. (You know what's coming, don't you?)

Well, two days ago we discovered they had moved out, canceled the cell phone service, left no forwarding address. And guess whose deductible they failed to pay on the way out of town? This is the fourth time in our twenty-seven years of marriage in which someone has used Godtalk to get out of consequences and then disappeared. Poof.

So we’re telling this to Mary and Patrick when Mary points out that this grandmother’s actions are an example of “taking the Lord’s name in vain.” We tend to think of that command from the Big Ten as being limited to cursing, but Mary observed that using Godtalk to benefit yourself and your hypocritical lifestyle is also taking His name in vain—with even more damaging results. Pretty astute, eh?

That’s what I like about Mary—among many other things. She left us thinking about important thoughts.

I will close by answering the question posed on the tag she sent: If you could write a novel on any subject, what would it be? My answer? I would someday love to know enough about the ancient Near East to write a fictionalized account of the life of Ruth of Moab, starting with her childhood in Molech-worshipping territory, covering her marriage to an Israelite, her ten years of infertility, the loss of her husband (and his dad and bro), her conversion, her struggles with a bitter mother-in-law, her marriage to old-guy Boaz, the coronation of her great grandson, David; and her relationship with his wife, Bathsheba.

But I'm afraid it might not have enough drama.