I'm declaring today Whimsy Day.

During our youth my sis, Mary, and I used to have an unstated motto: "Funny is better than kind." Fortunately, we have matured just a tad since then. Still, in her honor (since, as I mentioned, yesterday was her birthday), I'm including this collection of insults. You can also sound really high-brow using the Shakesperean insult generator here (thou creeping motley-minded bladder).

"He had delusions of adequacy." -Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." -Winston Churchill

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." -William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" -Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." -Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." -Abraham Lincoln

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." -Mark Twain

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend...if you have one." -George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." -Winston Churchill, in response

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." -John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." -Irvin S. Cobb

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." -Jack E. Leonard

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." -Robert Redford

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." -Forrest Tucker

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." -Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -Groucho Marx

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -Mae West

Happy Birthday, sis!