This is the third and final installment in a series that takes a look at Dr. Ed Wheat’s book, Intended for Pleasure. This book is described as “the standard reference work on sex from a biblical perspective!” and “the definitive Christian marriage guide.” Yet while it has much to commend it, it needs to be read with a great deal of discernment.

On page 240, Dr. Wheat restates his presupposition, which is the key problem with his approach: God’s plan is for each of the marriage partners to achieve full sexual satisfaction in intercourse.

This statement and those like it have been referred to by one Christian sex therapist as Dr. Wheat’s “intercourse-or-die mantra.” It has three flaws. The way: “God’s plan,” making it the best or one right way; the goal: sexual intimacy must include orgasm for both partners; and the means: orgasm should happen during intercourse. Let’s look more closely at these three.

God’s plan? The Creator made woman such that her pleasure center is located outside the vagina. This accounts for the 66 percent of women who are either unable to experience orgasm via penetration alone or who prefer stimulation other than intercourse to achieve orgasm. (See especially Dr. Archibald Hart’s research, as documented in Secrets of Eve.)

The goal? Wheat believes both partners must experience orgasm. I suspect this is because he believes it is physiologically damaging for a women to be aroused without experiencing orgasm (see earlier discussion). This means the partners don’t get to determine what satisfies them; rather, they are considered “unsatisfied” if one or both of them have not experienced climax. Yet in Dr. Hart’s survey of 2,000 Christian women (who rated themselves as even more sexually satisfied than women in the population at large), he found this:

• 26% Have Difficulty Reaching Orgasm
• 25% Experience Orgasm “Always”
• 33% Experience Orgasm 75% of the Time
• 15% Experience Orgasm 50% of the Time
• 10% Never Experienced

Either women are inept at the whole sex thing, with Chrisitan women being slightly less inept than those in the population at large, or something else is going on. Consider some additional findings about Christian women:

• 80% Rather have physical closeness than orgasm
• 70% Rather have emotional closeness than orgasm
• 53% Want time together
• 40% Desire physical release

One Amazon reviewer wrote this: “When are the Christian marriage/sex experts going to stop making the main focus of sex about intercourse? Christian wives wait for the first time to make love and almost all are disappointed. The facts are that while women enjoy the closeness and bond of intercourse with their husbands, they do not have orgasms that way! The Wheats, as well as other authors, must address this to save marriages. Orgasm is a God-given pleasure to men and women.”

The means? Not only must both husband and wife experience orgasm, according to Dr. Wheat, but both must do so during intercourse. Yet as the statistics demonstrate, many if not most women are sexually satisfied a) without or apart from intercourse and/or b) without orgasm, provided their time of sexual interaction with their husbands yields a sense of closeness and emotional connection.

Here’s another bit of misinformation: “You will be able to raise your sexual desire to the level of your mate if you wish to and if you commit this to God in prayer and yield your attitudes to Him” (p. 241).

Rarely do I meet couples—even deeply loving couples—whose levels of sexual desire are equivalent. I don’t believe this represents a lack of willingness to change or a failure of spirituality. Many factors contribute to differing levels of desire including (but not limited to) the hormonal environment, the relationship itself, abuse, and physical pain. As my coauthor, William Cutrer, M.D., says, “Rare is the couple where the levels of desire are equal, discounting the normal ratio of testosterone in the average male (10 to 15 times higher than a normal woman). Desire is a complex thing that changes over years, and to suggest it’s an attitude problem on the part of the female is demeaning and patronizing.”

Later Dr. Wheat discusses the female’s ability to have multiple orgasms:

“Can a woman have more than one orgasm during intercourse? A woman’s body is designed to be multiorgasmic. If all the factors of love and consideration are present, and if the proper stimulation takes place, she can have as many orgasms as she wants. Hindrances to multiple orgasms would be inhibitions or lack of sufficient stimulation” (p. 242).

Note the assumption that such multiples will happen “during intercourse” and the link to female attitudes.

I find it interesting that Mrs. Wheat wrote this: “Some wives, out of desire to please their husband (or for other reasons), have pretended for years that they are wildly enjoying lovemaking, when really they never even reach orgasm…. I believe that the husband, in most cases, is better off not knowing” (p. 154).

Um, I disagree.